KINDLE [Artemis Fowl]

  • Paperback
  • 263
  • Artemis Fowl
  • Eoin Colfer
  • Dutch
  • 14 August 2020
  • null

Eoin Colfer Ð 9 Summary

Free download Artemis Fowl Free download ↠ Artemis Fowl ☆ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Mailt het naar zijn Mac Op ingenieuze wijze kraakt hij de code van het magische boek en ontdekt zo een manier om de elfen hun befaamde goud afhandig te maken Hij slaagt erin kapitein Holly Short de eerste vrouwelijke officier van de elfBI te ontvoer. Colfer has described this series as Die Hard with fairies which is a reference to an old Hollywood joke After the phenomenal success of that movie a lot of writers started pitching their scripts as Die Hard with blank such as Speed Die Hard on a Bus or Air Force One Die Hard on Air Force One or as the joke goes the unfortunate who wanted to make Die Hard in a buildingIf you have actually seen Die Hard you might recall Hans Gruber the wealthy cunning erudite European villain played by Alan Not Just Snape Rickman But in this book the European criminal is the main character suggesting Colfer views the movie in the same light as Barney Stinson of How I Met Your Mother Hans Gruber Charming international bandit In the end he dies hard He s the title character So already we have some interesting choices going on but many s the good idea buried by poor executionIn some ways telling a good story is like telling an effective lie you have to know your limits Like the old writer s adage from Faulker you ve got to kill your darlings Those overly clever ideas and indulgences have to go if they don t fit which they usually don t If an author gives in to the urge over explain or get too fancy he s going to trip himself up and Colfer often does He throws around a lot of terminology trying to seem knowledgeable to lend credibility to his little fantasy story but he usually gets it wrongHe talks about an impact hitting with a ton of G force which is nonsense G Force already has a built in unit of measurement which is Gs not mass The process of acceleration can be described in mass but it would have to be compared to the acceleration of gravity on Earth or Gs which Colfer fails to do It would be like describing the speed of a car as fourteen feet He also describes a character as rocketing down a hallway at Mach 1 which is the speed of sound 768 mph Moving at this speed for a tenth of a second the amount of time it takes for our brain to react enough to blink a person would travel 112 than the length of the hallway described Yet he still has his character looking back adjusting his visor and fretting about whether he will make it through the door Not to mention that someone accelerating to Mach 1 within the length of such a hallway would suash them like a bug at 350 GsHe also describes a seasoned bodyguard who refers to the spin kick as pointless and flashy While jumping spinning kicks may fall into this category a simple spinning back kick is both an effective and basic tool for a martial artist and one which is often used in competition in many full contact disciplinesEarly in the book he goes to great lengths to describe the computer translation of an unknown language The entire process is extremely simplified which is fine but then when the translation comes out not only is it grammatically perfect it s all in rhyming coupletsI always feel frustrated by authors who see the Young Adult label as an excuse to write a thoughtless cliche book full of simple mistakes I don t think giving kids badly researched misinformation is going to turn them into better readersAnd these are all details that could have been easily glossed over Anyone who knew what the terms meant would have seen they were wrong and anyone who didn t know them would find them meaningless One of the benefits of writing Science Fiction or Fantasy is not having to explain yourself not having to be an expert in everything you talk about You can just wave your hand and give some mumbo jumbo and that s fine we can suspend our disbelief as long as your story s goodWhich is why when an author writing a fantastical story tries to inject realism it s important for them to know what they are talking about otherwise they ll just make themselves look foolish for no good reason Instead of leaving well enough alone Colfer tried to come off as well informed and technical and failed miserably A good author doesn t telegraph their ineptitude they hide it but that means a good author must be aware of their limitsHe also goes on a rather condescending diatribe about how Ireland is the most magical place and Irish mythology is superior to all other myths because Ireland is the birthplace of all magic Not only is this a rather insensitive view it s also short sighted since the book is full of myths which have their basis not in Ireland but in Scandinavia dwarves elves and trolls The original people of Ireland were short and dark haired with their own complex mythologies All the redheads of Ireland are descendants of Scandinavian invaders who brought their myths with themBut even after this bit of out of place nationalism Colfer never actually ends up using any Irish myth in the story It s all very generic stuff Except for a few place names there is nothing uniuely Irish here His depictions of fairy creatures do not demonstrate any Gaelic origin indeed the only thing mythic about them are their names and pointed earsI m not saying Colfer should be tied to old traditions or that he shouldn t create his own versions of myth but it hardly makes sense for him to go on and on about the greatness of Irish magic if he s not going to bother actually using any of it The statement is also incongruous with the fact that his protagonist is named after a character of Greek myth and a female one at that but my annoyance with the misappropriation of the name Artemis is my own onus to bearThere s also some eco propaganda mainly in the form of attacking human beings for ruining everything which once again is condescending over simplified and adds nothing to the bookThe characters are unremarkable just clich s taken from buddy cop movies and played straight no surprising depth no twists no masterful strokes of characterization just what you d expect from a techno spy thriller Which is somewhat unusual since this is nominally a fantastical book but the fantasy elements are rarely touched upon Mostly the fairies operate with military commando suads and superior technology There is nothing particularly magical about themWhen magic is used it tends to be either to be a simple solution to patch over plot conflicts or a macguffin to cause conflicts in the first place As I ve mentioned before using a magic as a systematic problem solver tends to make it feel a lot less magical and a lot like an author s crutch This is especially apparent when the magic is portrayed aside eually fantastical technologies that serve roughly the same purposeIf an author is going to use a lot of convenient bits of magic and technology so they don t have to think much about the plot I m going to expect them to provide some sparkling unusual characters If they act stupidly or out of character in order to move the plot move along conveniently then that plot should at least be exciting and unpredictable Colfer s plot is standard We do get the villain s point of view often than in many stories but that just reminds us how Fowl has little depth than a James Bond villainAnd if I get convenient plot solving clich characters and a standard story I need something else to make it worth reading I had heard that in this book the special element was supposed to be humor but I did not find this book humorous in any way I m not saying that it tried to be funny and failed I m not saying it was full of bad jokes which I rolled my eyes at This book did not even attempt to be funny There was no clever observation and nothing surprising Without the ability to surprise you no author will be able to deliver any humorThere is a uite long series of repeated descriptions of a dwarf pooping rock explosively but this was not presented in a humorous or surprising way it was rather matter of fact but not wry enough to ualify as deadpan The entire book is suffused with a tone of irreverence but the tone never achieves anything There are no moments of punctuation where the irreverence boils over it is just a constant even presence in every scene description and bit of dialogueIt rather reminds me of a common problem of fan fic authors instead of being funny or exciting or having interesting characters or surprising plot twists they will instead imply that they are doing those things through character reactions and overstated narration Colfer constantly implies that eventually he will just pop out and Bam Be funny but luckily it proves to be an empty threat The problem is if you spend all your time promising to be funny or exciting it just makes it clear that you aren t actually delivering on that promise It was easy to see what Colfer wanted this book to be or delusionally thought it was but it was also to see how often and predictably it failed The cover is also ugly and cheap and I came across some errors in the text but I won t blame those on the authorAll in all a straightforward cliche little story It s a fast read and not insultingly bad just poorly structured predictable and forgettable There are some promising concepts there but they all end up buried under pointless asides misused jargon and the constant promises of an interesting story that never arrives And as I wrote this review I discovered something disturbing Colfer has been hired to continue the Hitchhiker s Guide series I find this terribly confusing Douglas Adams was one of the most insightful clever unpredictable philosophically sound satirically acerbic and all around nice guy writers that I have ever read Yet here is Colfer in no regard funny with no insights to give characters unremarkable dialogue predictable plot convenient philosophical outlook insulting unable to capitalize on an interesting concept and enough of a self absorbed jerk that he ruins even simple stories by trying to impress people with references to things he knows nothing aboutMr GaimanI know you are a Goodreads author and one of Adams fondest fans so I must ask you how could you let this happen to me If there is anyone who should be continuing Adam s series it s Stewart Lee and if there were any two people who should continue it it s two Stewart Lees But you are also a great and talented author and surprisingly enough capable of being tremendously funny No one appreciates than I do the subtle and shocking wit of not writing a very funny book until six novels in but I love the swerve of building up a career as a serious minded somewhat disturbing author of heavily allusive horror and then suddenly kicking out something really funnyBut I m losing my train of thought Dear Mr Gaiman this year for Christmas please use your magical authorial powers to remove Mr Colfer from any relation to Mr Adams lovely work If he wants to write his own dull crime fiction with some fairies thrown in to snag people who are waiting for better fantasy books to be published that s his business but the thought that someone would allow him to besmirch one of the great sci fi series of all time makes me want to snatch him up along with L Sprague deCamp and August Derleth and make them all live in a world like the ones they created a world which is a pale shadow of what it should be where every conversation is stilted every person dull every jest flaccid where fire is merely lukewarm spattered blood pepto pink sunsets an overwrought cacophony by Thomas Kincaid where food is ash in your mouth where every story starts in a white room and where loving a beautiful woman just feels like clutching your own calloused hand in the dark as you play out the long faded fantasies of a false nostalgic youthMy List of Suggested Fantasy Books

Free download Artemis Fowl

Artemis Fowl

Free download Artemis Fowl Free download ↠ Artemis Fowl ☆ E-book, or Kindle E-pub En wat op grote weerstand stuit van het in verhalen en legenden zo lief afgeschilderde elfenvoik Zwaarbewapend en uitgerust met de modernste computertechnologie trekken de elfen ten strijde vastbesloten de misdadige plannen van Artemis in de kiem te. From the get go it appears Artemis Fowl is going to be about Artemis Fowl a criminal boy genius with Sherlock Holmes like powers of deduction but then bomb suad esue faeries take over the story and we end up spending just as much time if not reading about them That s fine since they re interesting and their story moves with a good dash of fun and excitement This is another of those books with a redeemable bad guy protagonist We shouldn t but we do root for him at least in some way shape or form In the natural or typical way of things that would mean the antagonists are good guys who we re hoping won t succeed at least not 100% I haven t tired of this formula just yet plus Colfer has handled it well and crafted a fast short read that doesn t give you much downtime to reflect on any potential faultsI found this book to be very similar to Jonathan Stroud s The Amulet of Samarkand with its snarky protagonist its magic in a modern setting its fantastical creatures and its infusion of light hearted comedy Things slowing down due to necessary exposition Throw in a fart jokeYou can tell Colfer did a bit of research into mythology and magical beings as we see some creature attributes from the old traditions For instance I like his portrayal of a burrowing dwarfHe also had fun with meshing the modern aspects with these old notions technology with mythology I ve not always been a big fan of that genre parts of the Ralph Bakshi movie Wizards annoyed me the first time I saw it but Colfer balances and blends the two together pretty well almost seamlessly Rating Note This was such a strong 4 that I decided to go with 5 stars

Review è E-book, or Kindle E-pub Ð Eoin Colfer

Free download Artemis Fowl Free download ↠ Artemis Fowl ☆ E-book, or Kindle E-pub Artemis Fowl is een twaalfjarig crimineel meesterbrein belust op macht en geld en immer in gezelschap van zijn boomlange bodyguard Butler Wanneer Artemis erachter komt dat iedere elf een magisch boek bezit steelt hij een exemplaar fotografeert het en. A 81% Very Good Notes Ironically it s the supernatural characters that follow familiar archetypes while the humans are strange and atypical